December

My ex came to visit for the past few days
After so long, I guess it will be a lie if I say I don't miss him.

I have lots of shortcoming
However, he bear it
I like the way he arrange his time and make effort for me
It makes me feel like, I'm worthy to him.
I wonder, if the place we lived is nearer, will we end differently?

Moment with Bentard

Okayy, I'm going to update from last wednesday :3
Last Wednesday was the last day of my trial exam. Hehe
Went to Sunway Pyramid with Jin An :)
Had a great lunch
And well, last round of Guardian of the Galaxy in Luxe cinema
Hmm, personal opinion
Although luxe is 1.5 time more expensive than normal ticket
But, it do has comfy seating :P
Spacious and well, great seating that wont block shorty view like me :D
It was a great day indeed hehe
And, Jin An, you drove well :) steady driver

Next, Friday
A second hit to Mitasu, but ended up with great disappointment :(
T__T I will never try to go there any more ( may be ) ahaha
Their buffet is only available for dinner hour or public holiday
Unfortunately :( it was a weekday lunch time that day
So, Yam and I went to The Good Batch for lunch
Mmmm, the food there was nice, really nice, super nice :)
Probably will have a next try there agn :P
And to consult our broken heart,
We went to had dessert at Miam Miam
The Macha soufflé was nice :) so as the berry parfait ? ( something like that )

I'm skipping Sunday :P although I had some activities that day,
because I can't wait for today :3

Todayy :D
Went to Paradigm mall with Jin An ^^
Emm, ugh D: I lost in the parking lot LOL
and so, the guard helped me ahahaha
thank you guard :P
Tried Sukiya ( Japanese hot pot ) with Jin An today
Mmm, the food is not bad
and time with Jin An is always great haha
Bought some books for sister in popular
and well, a kind Jin An take them for me :P thank you
Honestly, I think I'm getting more and more obese to you, hahaha
Another great day, with someone important to me ;) 

23.8.14

It's been a bad month
Several sad things happened
But no matter how bad a month is, there'll always be something good to balance it :)

Well, here comes the bad one first :o
I bang my car during a visit to Ms Gladys's daughter full month party.
Well, the main point is not the car of course
Most importantly, no one is injured :x
I felt sorry to those that were in my car
And well, of course my family
Sorry, my careless brought trouble to everyone :x I will be more aware and learn from my lesson.

I didn't really remember much what bad things happened,
:o but well, that was the main one. So here comes the good part. :)

The owner of the car that I bang, he was a kind man
Thank you for tolerating a careless driver like me haha :)

Then, friends that keeps on supporting me until I feel better
Thank you for being there with me

And well, my family for taking responsibility for all my actions
Thank you.

Somehow, the confused feelings that I had is clear now
It would be a lie if I say I don't want you.
But, for our good, I think the way we remain now is great.
We had a lot of good moment, I'm not sure if you think the same way, but it is to me :p
I'll save a place for you somewhere in my heart ;)

9.8.14

It's August now :) 

I guess, it's true that people move on. 

It's just the matter of time.

Let the past be the past

I felt sorry and sad to myself, that'd been so pathetic over you last time

But, is all over now. 

Lately, I've been waking up in tears

I don't remember what I dreamt, I just know, it is a sad dream.

There's too many good people around me, be there for me when I'm in need. 

If it's possible, can I make a wish ? 

A wish for you guys to stay with me as long as possible. 

And, having a confused feeling now.

I'm not sure if I have feeling towards him or just too depending on him.

Of course, I wish it is the latter one.

I'm afraid of losing 

They said, trying is better than regret.

But, I rather regret than losing you. 

Raya Holiday

Before starting, there's something I want to say.
If this is your way of showing your care,
Please don't. I won't want to encounter you any more.
If it's just my fantasie. Then just ignore what I want u to know.
Don't add on my debt to you, I won't return.

And so, now's Raya holiday yay :3

But couldn't hangout that much like the last holiday :x
Or else, I won't have enough time for studies

Having great friends is the best thing in this world
Probably, I have really a lot a lot of people that care about me
It's my honor having u guys.

It's late night now, and I'm feeling hungry :/
I should go to sleep :p hehe.

Nighty 😊❤️ everyone that I love

11.7.14

Productive Friday .

We get to met our replacement teacher , Ranju.
Damn stict sio.

After finishing college,
Went to hop hop bunny cafe. Yay ~~~

Gets to interact with bunnies :D
But, the urine of the bunny
Got in my pant D:
So I went to toilet to clean up myself
Ended up, being lock inside ( the locker spoilt, drop off )

Afterwards, went to Wei Xia mummy's home yay~~
Play for a moment and then rush home  to bath

Afterwards, Megan pick me up and so so.
We took Sean's car to Mun Kay hse.

It is a successful reunion party this time yea !
Nearly 100% attended. :)

Had a lot of funs :P

Then, someone suggested to go for round 2 in the pub
So I went to the pub for the 1st time :o

Afterwards, Dickson drive me home.
;)

HAHAHA, but the funniest part is
I mistaken my pencil box as wallet and went out for this hangout.

And then, felt sorry to my parents ;p
That have to endure this bad daughter
That always hangout until late mid night .

9.7.14

Sem 2 starts, current status : trying hard to be hardworking :p
Bad result D:

Friends in college, somehow feel more family-like than secondary sch haha.
Not sure if it is a good or bad news
Probably good, may be.

Among all classmate, there's few which is really nice .
Felt so blessed having u guys in my life
Although I do not believe much in forever anymore
I really wish, we could stay together forever.

I'm not sure what love is
But if it is
Feeling happy when you're with me
Looking forward the time with you
Feel safe if you're by my side whenever what happened.

Then may be, there's someone that I held such feeling now.

But, I'm afraid of losing, so I'll just stay on the spot.
And wait for this feeling to fade .

For now, just study hard :)

29.5.14

Once, we were foolish, we cry over small little things 

We believe in the impossible 

We blame the others for our faulty 

We smile over everything 

Time pass, we grow, we change. 

Is good to record down ur life

When you read back, you leave a smile, realize how stupid we were back then

All the trauma we thought we couldn't bare over, 

We overcame. 

Promises, target that we set last time

Forgotten in the past. 

Belief, became nothing but merely a joke

Nothing will be the same anymore

The dream we had, is so beautiful that I doesn't want to wake from it

But still, it's just a dream

Regardless how u feel, a dream is a dream 

When the dream ended, u have to move on. 

It might be hard, 

There'll be times that we wanted to collapse back into the dream

But, someday, we will be looking back, and realize our stupidity now. 

And that day, we will leave a smile again. 

11.5.2014

Like daughter like mum ? 

Today is Mother's Day, but my mum is not by ourside 

Guess why? 

Because she accidentally brought an air ticker under her name when she's helping her friend to buy

Aish. And then, it can't be refund 

So instead of wasting it, mum went for it

Ahh, 1 week 

Me

The one that couldn't let it go is just me.
Every perception of me about you is just my fantasy.

It's about time to end my foolishness.
It's time to wake up, after discovering so much.

Everything has ended.
Everything will be okay.

It will just be a memory to be forgotten.
Smile and live on :)

Calm

My college holiday started few days ago :)
Did nothing except for lazying the whole day haha. Lol

Feel more stable and calm now
Just sometime, when I miss you, I will wonder what are you doing.

As I promised both of us before,
until the day I completely put down you, I will only add back you as friend in FB
I wonder, how long will it be ?

Sometimes, I just feel silly and pathetic
After our broke up, you move on so quickly
And me , still staying on the same spot hoping for so called miracle happens.
I wonder, what makes me attached to you so much? Hmm, I don't know.

For the moment, I had rejected a few confession
Just feeling like, I'm not ready for the next yet, I don't want to be so irresponsible in my relationship, it is unfair for both side.
Also, for the moment, you are the only one I had such feeling to.

Just like one of my pal said,
One day, I will eventually let go of it and realize how silly and stupid I'm now

For now, I have to decide what I'm going to choose next
This Friday, I'm going to experience German school life
Then, I will have to decide to continue what I'm doing now or start a new life in Germany
No matter which path I choose, as long as I'm happy will do :)

I'm fine now, how about you ?
Do you miss me, like I miss you ;) ?

I did not forget

I guess you won't be seeing this anymore.

That's why I dare to type out my feeling now.

All those pretty words I said to you, is to make sure that you can put me down.

I always knew, you are suffering in silence when I eye contact with you,

your eyes looks so sad, that I don't even know how to consult you.

so I just smile as much as possible, since when I smiled, I laughed, you will follow as well.

I can just assume that your life now is much better than with me.

Since that, you have someone that can take care of you. 

I'm always feeling sorry that I couldn't give you what you want, " Future"

No doubt, everyone wants a relationship where that can feel their future.

While be with me, you can't share anything with me.

So if you remember, our last call, I cried out loud keep repeating sorry

Yea, I mean it, I really feel so sorry towards you.. even now

I know, it is nearly impossible to forget someone that is so meaningful to you

That's why I never plan to forget you before

I also knew, that you won't forget me. Well, I don't know how to put in the words, is just my feeling, my believes.

I always believes you.

For now, I stopped finding you

Because I knew, how much suffer you gain when you face me, just like when I face you.

Really, is enough. 

I don't want to cause more pain on you anymore

I don't mind just disappear if you feel happy with it.

They said, Libra is willing to make all the changes and take all the pain and scarifies.

Yea, I'm.

I don't need you to know, doesn't mean I don't feel so.

What is the point of letting you know? Claim your credits ?

Nah, that's not what I want, all I want is just your smile

As long as you smiled, every pain will just wore off.

I know, you are still hiding everything by yourself, baring everything by yourself

I wish that you will know, 

I'm always here, somewhere that you couldn't see, couldn't know,

sharing your happiness, sadness and pain

Although I couldn't reassured by you, but I know

you will always love me, just like I will always love you.

May god bless you, Elias.

价值

自以为是的认定这个世界，曾以为你不会离开我，
这一切，都是我自以为是，我情我愿的想法

每个人的定义不一样，每个人的想法也不一样
有些东西，我想想就好，不说出来也是一种好
随着时间流逝，也许我也会慢慢忘掉

现在，我只在等待，
等的是什么，我不想说
因为我不知道，结局是否和我想象的一样

我还有剩多少时间？
只希望，接下来的日子，活得自在就好
但愿，我将会平平静静的过着、离去，
不再有下世，不再留恋世间

我不知道，活着的价值，
只知道，离开了就没有价值

希望，我的愿望成真。

Decision

I started my syllabus without much thought.
Now when I doing research about the related courses, I start to feel panic as it doesn't seems to be what I interested in.
I decided to wait you quietly as I promised you.
But then, the pain in my heart still can't fade.
My underweight condition continue goes on,
Now, everyone that seen me also told me that I gotten much skinnier.
Perhaps, I really slim down a lot.

My parents recommended me to look for a counsellor.
But I don't want to, I'm scare that the counsellor find out about my negative side.
May be my parents are right, I really have some mental illness.

I really miss nana, I know he can't accompany me.
His side, has a more worthy girl for him and treat him much more better than me.
He has no reason to hurts her.

I'm crying again. After all, I'm a cry baby.

最后

当初，就应该坚持放下你
你如今的忽冷忽热，让我即喜即悲，
开始让我捉摸不定

我没有勇气拒绝我自己的真心，更没有力气再伤害自己
如果真的必不得已，这一次，我一定要狠下心，不再找你
即使我会再哭，再难过
总好过，希望越高，失望也越高，跌得更疼

我不是个体贴的人，我不懂得讨好别人
我只是个傻孩子，真心对待认为值得的一切
却以为，会得到相同的对待
多少次了？在你掏肺心思、死心塌地后
仍然一个人

我不知道你是否了解我，不过
你可知道？每一次找你，我鼓起了多少勇气？
我担心，你会不理睬，我难过，你选择的无视
到最后，我留了多少泪，谁可知道？
难道，你也看得到，现在正在打着这的我，在流泪？

你不是无情的人，却将我伤得最深
我要的，不是你的对不起
而是你的陪伴
我从来没有责怪过你。

可能，你会认为，我要你陪伴是因为我无聊，孤独，空虚
这些仅仅是我的无理取闹
你确否知道，我时时刻刻，都在检查注意，是否有你的消息
我并不是得空
而是，我依赖你，想念你

到最后，就算你无视了我，你并没有任何损失
我不知道你有没有在乎我
不过，你无视的当儿，我都在想，难道我又做错了什么？

现在，我要撤退了
我等你主动来找我，不过，我知道这可能性不高，
你的心有没有我，我不想再猜疑了
一切，都是我太愚蠢
真心以为，你对我，会像是我对你一样
在忙的你也好，如果你想念我，一定有办法凑出时间来找我
我的心很痛，也许，我只是消磨你时光的一个人，不是我也没关系

我累了，很累了。
我在等爱褪色，
到时候，我不再爱了
只希望，有个人愿意像我一样对待我
让真诚感动我，
到时候，是谁，我也无所谓了。

My hope

Is been several weeks. From this incident, I have learn that, my smile exist for you.
Had a fierce cry yesterday, after all, I was hiding these feeling all in my heart for quite long period.
A song lyrics describe me well, I'm missing you, but I lied to myself that I don't, and hide all these feeling deeply in my heart.

When I know, you willing to let me wait for you. I'm very happy :) u might not know, but I was waiting you since that day until now and so on.

Didn't had a well sleep last night, probably too happy.
While I'm waiting to sleep, it reminds me about all my thoughts these day.
I had wish for some stupid wishes like, if ghost do appear, and they wanted to take over someone's body, let it be me. So I can go and stay by your side queitly.

I'm unable to predict the future.
I don't know if we will progress fine ?
But all I know is, my love towards you, will not change :)

I will try and gain more weight, I'm in serious underweight condition now haha.
:) I will wait for you.

Life

My sick haven't fully recover yet :( 

But at least I doesn't looks so pale anymore.

Someone that knew about me and nana suggest me to let him be my new bf.

But I rejected.

Somehow, I still waiting for my nana.

What I wishing is, after few years, I might go and fulfil our promises all alone by myself,

by that time, I will be in his country for long period,

If he is still single and love me, we might able to get together again.

But still, this is just what I wish. Who knows, things always doesn't works as planned. 

Anyway, my cough recently has gotten serious,

It makes me unable to not worry that it might link to disease like cancer, 

I wonder, if I only have a few months of lifetime, 

Will you come back to me and accompany me till I die ? 

" Patient needs to be in happy condition. " This excuse I will use to ask you I guess ? haha

How long will I take to let go this relationship ? I don't know.

I feel so... complicated. I want to let go as I want you to have a bright new happy life, and as well as I can live on but not continue hesitate in the past which makes me depress now.

But, if I let go, it means that, I have left no feelings towards you anymore.

There will not be any love, any hate, any missing and wanted to depends on you.

Which is.. sounds too cruel for me.. 

I wonder, how's your life now.

Are you the same as me? Missing you so badly, or had you let go ?

If time reverse back, I will still choose to be with you. :)

Thank you for take caring me for a year.

Gone

Everything is different now.
I went college, and it is a busy life,
But the worst is, that my boyfriend and I broke up.

I don't know whether he will be watching my blog or whatever anymore,
but I just want to express my feeling now. Here is the best place,
no one knows me here, and I wont know who has seen it.

To be honest, it is really heartbreaking.
The day we broke, I cry for a whole day.
Although I try to look fine infront him, and I not sure that he knows about it or not, but I'm extremely pain in the heart.
Even now, I still experiencing the same pain.
What I wish is, he was just joking or so so.

I had insomnia now, and my mother said I looks ill.
My face looks pale, and I don't feel like eating.

The fact is, I still love you.
I really wanted to be with you together, but I don't want to ruin your new life.
All I do now is, lying to myself.

I try to convince myself that I am fine, but actually, what I do is lying to myself.
The more relieve is, your whatsapp is malfunctioning.
At least, I can still message u like before to cheat myself, I feel so stupid, yet I have no other idea or choices.

Am I wrong continue waiting you like now?
I don't know, I just know that everything I see now, remind me of you.
Everything I heard, remind me of you.
I haven't tell family about us, they still happily asking me why u haven't visit me.
I don't know when should I tell them, because I'm hoping that we will be back together.

Silly girl like me, how I wish I will lost my memory.
May accident or incident occurs in me, that will lead me to a pain that wakes me.
May accident or incident occurs in me, that makes me lost of every memory.
May sick or disease I having now can kill me, so that I can free from this sadness.

Feeling lost, miserable. How are you then ?