My hope

Is been several weeks. From this incident, I have learn that, my smile exist for you.
Had a fierce cry yesterday, after all, I was hiding these feeling all in my heart for quite long period.
A song lyrics describe me well, I'm missing you, but I lied to myself that I don't, and hide all these feeling deeply in my heart.

When I know, you willing to let me wait for you. I'm very happy :) u might not know, but I was waiting you since that day until now and so on.

Didn't had a well sleep last night, probably too happy.
While I'm waiting to sleep, it reminds me about all my thoughts these day.
I had wish for some stupid wishes like, if ghost do appear, and they wanted to take over someone's body, let it be me. So I can go and stay by your side queitly.

I'm unable to predict the future.
I don't know if we will progress fine ?
But all I know is, my love towards you, will not change :)

I will try and gain more weight, I'm in serious underweight condition now haha.
:) I will wait for you.

Life

My sick haven't fully recover yet :( 

But at least I doesn't looks so pale anymore.

Someone that knew about me and nana suggest me to let him be my new bf.

But I rejected.

Somehow, I still waiting for my nana.

What I wishing is, after few years, I might go and fulfil our promises all alone by myself,

by that time, I will be in his country for long period,

If he is still single and love me, we might able to get together again.

But still, this is just what I wish. Who knows, things always doesn't works as planned. 

Anyway, my cough recently has gotten serious,

It makes me unable to not worry that it might link to disease like cancer, 

I wonder, if I only have a few months of lifetime, 

Will you come back to me and accompany me till I die ? 

" Patient needs to be in happy condition. " This excuse I will use to ask you I guess ? haha

How long will I take to let go this relationship ? I don't know.

I feel so... complicated. I want to let go as I want you to have a bright new happy life, and as well as I can live on but not continue hesitate in the past which makes me depress now.

But, if I let go, it means that, I have left no feelings towards you anymore.

There will not be any love, any hate, any missing and wanted to depends on you.

Which is.. sounds too cruel for me.. 

I wonder, how's your life now.

Are you the same as me? Missing you so badly, or had you let go ?

If time reverse back, I will still choose to be with you. :)

Thank you for take caring me for a year.

Gone

Everything is different now.
I went college, and it is a busy life,
But the worst is, that my boyfriend and I broke up.

I don't know whether he will be watching my blog or whatever anymore,
but I just want to express my feeling now. Here is the best place,
no one knows me here, and I wont know who has seen it.

To be honest, it is really heartbreaking.
The day we broke, I cry for a whole day.
Although I try to look fine infront him, and I not sure that he knows about it or not, but I'm extremely pain in the heart.
Even now, I still experiencing the same pain.
What I wish is, he was just joking or so so.

I had insomnia now, and my mother said I looks ill.
My face looks pale, and I don't feel like eating.

The fact is, I still love you.
I really wanted to be with you together, but I don't want to ruin your new life.
All I do now is, lying to myself.

I try to convince myself that I am fine, but actually, what I do is lying to myself.
The more relieve is, your whatsapp is malfunctioning.
At least, I can still message u like before to cheat myself, I feel so stupid, yet I have no other idea or choices.

Am I wrong continue waiting you like now?
I don't know, I just know that everything I see now, remind me of you.
Everything I heard, remind me of you.
I haven't tell family about us, they still happily asking me why u haven't visit me.
I don't know when should I tell them, because I'm hoping that we will be back together.

Silly girl like me, how I wish I will lost my memory.
May accident or incident occurs in me, that will lead me to a pain that wakes me.
May accident or incident occurs in me, that makes me lost of every memory.
May sick or disease I having now can kill me, so that I can free from this sadness.

Feeling lost, miserable. How are you then ?

Emotion

Behind every emotion has its own story.

I am now having an unknown emotion, I don't know how am I feeling now.

But at least I know, I don't feel much happy.

Sometimes, I really don't know, what I am to others.

Well, I don't really mind what others think about me.

Just, for some people that I categorised as important, I really willing to know,

what am I to you ?

I don't remember when is the last time I had cried.

May be, I am just too tired of everything, I don't even feel anything any more, may be.

My sky is mist, I am feeling so lost now.

What is the purpose I born to this world ? I have no goods.

I wonder if you realized, I did not smile much compared to last time.

I don't feel like smiling.

Sometimes I smiled, just to cover the embarrassing moment of our eye contact. 

Yea, I did smile, but not much like the past.

I wonder.. if you know how I feel now.

I feel.. miserable 

SPM-ing

SPM started a week ago @@
Well, as usual, I'm still wandering around...
Is not that, I don't like to study. Well, is just that, I feel so lost
I guess most of those teenage are like me
Without the goal, I guess, we won't have initiative to achieve it.

Anyway, it has been the 10 month and 11 day of me and my nana in relationship
:3 I'm glad that someone like you accompanied me all these time.
Anyway, thank you for entertaining my so called " traditional-minded" parents :P

:P Also, I wanted to thank my nana for getting me a bracelet with my name as b'day present
:3 Hehe, I loved it very muchieee
Next time, don't you dare to eat breads or save up the money to repair ur shoe for buying it
D: I will probably eat u ! Yeaaa, I mean it, EAATTT YOUUUU XD

Hmmm, my nana has visited me at 2/11, 3/11 and 4/11 :P
Hehe, I'm sorry that always wasting ur money on hotels, air tickets and so so.
:3 Yi Ma said, I'm lucky to have u, a person that love me so much, sek me so much.
Ahahahaha , :) so, rmb continue treating me as good as now :P
Thank you for spending money and time with me ~~ :P
I appreciate ur kindness, hehe, although it called " study tgt"
but ended up, I keep lying here lying there, lazying :3 hehe

Anyway, time really flew fast
For now, it's been November
I never knew that we have been together so long, and my secondary life is ending soon
Soon or sooner, I will be having my college life , uni life and aaa, boring working life :P
Hehe, nana, let's work hard tgt to accomplish our " Nana cafe " in the future :3
We will be having our Jia Min helps out the cafe :3
I love you ;) and byee~~ gonna cont studies :P

21/9/2013

It's been a long time since I last updated my blog.
Now, I'm having my SPM trial exam :(
Soon, I will have my SPM exam @@

But honestly, I don't feel any stress .__.
Seeing friends beside me studying like mad fellows
Aaaa, I feel like, I'm so relaxing :P

Hmmm, so many things have happened and now I don't know where to start from.
Just wanna said that I love a lot person :P
:3
especially my nana ;)

;)

Helllooo :D

It's been a long time since I updated my blog ! :3
Helllloooooooooooooooo

前几天， 跟一个笨蛋一起度过，谢谢那个笨蛋
买了一个兔子给我 :3 我很喜欢
还有送我一个starbuck card, 之前的不见了 D:
Hmmmm, 就想跟你说 :3 我爱你

今天是我们在一起的4个月又4天 :)
我们伤心过，开心过，生气过，
谢谢你对我总是那么的体贴 :)

然后，你这个笨蛋，不要总是觉得自己不好！
真是的！
每次说到自己多烂
在我眼里 ！！！ 你是最好的， 最好的！！！！！ :3 知道了吗？

就觉得，有你很开心 :)
哈哈哈哈， 就知道你不舍得用，笨死了，杯子就是要用的嘛

我爱你~~